RELATIONAL REMODEL
You can be in a relationship that brings you genuine pleasure because you cut away all the cultural scripts about love that were written for someone who isn’t you.
Lose the modern romance myths. Look at what your natal chart affirms you want. This astro-counseling intensive helps you remodel your relationships so you have a secure foundation where your desires get to flourish.
“My Relational Architecture consult with Erin was meaningful and insightful, and so much more than just an astrology reading. It gave me hope, put my mind at ease, and offered concrete advice for moving forward. Erin is a talented practitioner who offers the perfect balance of validating feelings and holding space with compassion, while also offering gentle prompts for growth or change in perspective. Would not hesitate to recommend her to anyone I know.” -Jamie
do you resonate with any of the following?
You’re struggling with whether to stay or to go…
Staying or leaving isn’t a moral quandary but the culture has molded it into one. Sometimes people feel so ashamed of even having this thought that they can’t voice it. We live in a culture that has engrained “till death to us part” as a peak romantic experience. Nearly every system is built to reinforce marriage so dating concepts are subconsciously centered around the goal of a nuclear family. Even if you aren’t married and don’t ever want to get married, leaving can feel like a personal failure. Whether or not you end up leaving, you deserve space to think about everything that is provoking the question for you in the first place. Part of learning how to be in a healthy relationship is taking a beat to figure out why you think you might want to leave, and why you might want to stay.
You’re at your wits end because the dating pool feels empty, lukewarm - or worse, full of sh*t.
Maybe you’re queer, lesbian trans, non-binary, bi, or have relational desires so alt that it feels like the pool is minuscule you’ll never find a good match. Or you’re attracted to intensity but you’re worried that means you’re a magnet for red flags. Or you’re a straight woman and you don’t know if it’s possible to trust a man even if you happen upon the miracle of a good one. These are totally valid fears and you deserve to be supported as you push through them. They also aren’t the whole story and while they might make love feel harder to actualize, they don’t make it impossible.
You’re healing from a relationship (or a few) that was toxic and you’re still trying to understand what you could have done differently…so it doesn’t happen again.
If you (or a partner you’ve had) carries any marginalized identity, you’re probably already aware of how oppressive systems hook into your relationships. The thing about marginalization is that it pushes you to the edges where the systems that are theoretically supposed to support you - don’t. The result? You learn (subconsciously) to solve problems on your own and take a lot of responsibility. But if you think everything is your job, you can’t give another person space to participate in a relationship with you. Sometimes a relationship doesn’t work out because one or both people just have too much baggage that triggers one another. But that doesn’t mean every relationship will be that way. It’s possible to learn balance. It’s possible to learn to receive. Both are easier with engaged support. Reaching for a counselor, therapist, or any practitioner is one way you begin to practice.
You’re in a relationship that looks relatively fine but you’re carrying a weird lingering dissatisfaction.
This is way more common than you think. Many of us have fallen into relationships because we had raging new relationship hormones or we felt pressured to commit or that was just what people did back then or at the time you really were so in love. A very basic story of love in which the roles are usually played by a white man and a white woman is engrained in us from a young age, compelling the rest of us to audition for a part we probably wouldn’t want if we got it. Moreover, as time goes by, you change. This is a fact of life. And your desires change with you. Long-term relationships often have habits formed or polarized dynamics that are difficult but not impossible to shift. It’s super normal to want something new and more exciting. And while novelty isn’t always the right solution, it’s healthy to want a relationship(s) that is aligned for where you are now. If you feel dissatisfied, there’s probably a good reason. Exploring it means you might find what you’re missing.
You want to leave in a good way but the thought of disentangling finances, community, family etc. is overwhelming.
This is practical. It also generally takes a ton of time and is legitimately exhausting. We have lots of examples in the media of happily ever after together. We have very few examples of what healthy separation looks like. Most of the media also wants to wrap things up real nice in a little box with a bow on it in about 3 seconds flat. Everything in our economy is done for efficiency. A breakup that sets you up for success, wherein you can feel good about your actions is extremely difficult. When it’s drawn out and you’re tired it’s hard to make sound healthy decisions that are good for everyone involved. It’s easier with support from someone who’s goal is to help you do the right thing - for you and for them.
You’re trying to figure out how to add sweetness but you struggle to communicate desires to your partner.
Maybe you’re new and don’t know each other that well yet and you’re afraid they’ll check out if you bring up something kinky. Maybe you’ve been together for years and you don’t want to rock the boat. So the dates, the sex, the life stays feeling flat. You want more time with friends but you’re nervous your partner will react rejected. You want to mix things up in the bedroom but you’re afraid everything will give the other person the ick. Most people don’t learn how to voice their desires, especially if they haven’t learned how to uncover them in the first place. Studies show that direct, verbal communication functions more to save time than it does as a risk factor. It’s normal to feel insecure about a skill you haven’t cultivated and practiced. If you have to learn something for work you go do it. Why should desire be any different? Welcome to pleasure bootcamp.
Hi, I’m Erin.
I’m an astrologer and counselor determined to help people be in relationship in ways they feel good about, because true pleasure is, more often than not, impeccably aligned with our values.
As a queer, polyamorous lesbian who has been in a lot interracial, interclass, transnational, gender-defying relationships, I know how hard it is to fall and be in love when the examples we have for what love looks like are actually impossible, exclusionary “utopias” that erase the majority of real experiences. I’ve spent time in love totally entangled in the chains of relational toxicity. And even though there are things myself and former loves could have done better, most of the challenges we experienced were sitting on a landmine of cultural traps that were just waiting to blow up at us.
I’ve learned to cut away culturally imposed impressions of pleasure in order to create and uplift the real thing - and it’s working. Now I’m on a mission to help other people take back agency over pleasure, and repair and create relationships that center the unique desires of the people actually participating in them.
There are not any institutions that I know of that teach what I do. My qualifications are bolstered by experiences ranging from work with Feminist NGOs during the Arab Spring to studying Attachment Theory and Nervous System Regulation in online community networks, to deep sits with allies in the spirit world. I graduated Cum Laude from Goucher College with a B.A. in French Modern Language but my degree doesn’t tell you that I spent most of school studying individual and collective liberation via Maghrebin Feminist Film and fulfilling the requirements for a scholars program centered around what people today call decolonization. All that to say, I’ve been investing in liberatory frameworks for over a decade and a half.
My primary living astrology teacher is Austin Coppock. Much of my praxis is informed by authors and teachers both alive and dead including Gloria Anzaldúa, Audre Lorde, Layli Maparyan, Toi Smith, Jen Lemen, Carmen Spagnola, adrienne marie brown, and Wendy Delorme. A listed name doesn’t mean I endorse everything someone teaches, nor does it indicate they endorse me, though some are beloved long-time collaborators. I am the kind of person that f*cks around and finds out. While I am definitely an intellectual, I believe I can only really know and understand something if I’ve tried and lived it. For that reason, I see all of my current and ex-lovers and friends as teachers in this work.
One final note: while I carry lots of intersecting experiences and identities that many would qualify as “marginalized”, I am still a white woman and I grew up in the United States which in and of itself conveys an enormous degree of privilege. Because the maps of power in our world are so intricate, I inevitably will have identities, parts, unconscious biases, and gaps in understanding that brush up against yours. That’s a fancy way of saying I will mess up. There are inherent risks to doing relational work that interrupts the hierarchies and frameworks presented by a supremacist overculture. I can’t commit to perfection but I will show up for learning, recovery and repair with you.
What we’re going to build together (and what past clients have worked on with me)
Capacity to identify, clarify and own your desires
We’re going to give desire space to breathe, so you can explore what you actually want. You’re going to lay all your yes’s and even your maybes out on the table and look at them (along with your natal chart) until you feel like they really belong.
Skills for expressing and pursuing pleasure in ways that are more likely to actualize it
A lot of disappointments and frustrations in relationship stem from lack of consent, crossed boundaries and/or felt neglect. Most of these issues happen because desires weren’t even named in the first place. To combat this, we’re essentially going to practice flirting. With people, with situations, with life. This is about being creative and solution focused. If you do the work, you will be less afraid of rejection and more excited about who you are becoming. You may even feel real sexy.
Dexterity that cuts through relational bullshit and the confidence to say and hold your no.
You will have more clarity on what you want and your alarms will go off when desires that aren’t yours get imposed upon you. You will learn to shift blame from individuals to systems, while stepping into accountability for how you respond to them. You will know how to separate yourself from others’ scripts and will do this diligently because you’ll be more thrilled about your own.
Ideas and desires about love that are both realistic and fulfilling.
There’s nothing wrong with having fantasies and you will learn what you want that is actually possible. We’re going to create right-sized, values-aligned visions that are filled with pleasure. And we’re going to put together a manageable strategic plan which closes the gap between you and that vision.
Results that come with doing this work:
clearer, more mature boundaries in relationships that benefit everyone involved
softening, warming up, learning to receive and indulge
detachment from whether or not someone can meet you in your desire without losing the will to pursue it
capacity to center your happiness, desire and pleasure without shame
improve your ability to flirt so it feels less like work and more like fun
power dynamics that are interesting and generative, desired and adaptable
confidence, support and capacity to leave if it’s right for you
CLIENT REFLECTIONS
“Thank you for our powerful session today. I came away with a genuine, visceral sense of clarity. The work we did together helped me return to my sense of self, to my center, so to speak. Throughout the rest of the evening, I was able to access real, grounded gratitude and appreciation for {names removed for anonymity} – which is no small feat. The time we spent at dinner was actually fun. I was also able to access curiosity in moments where {anonymous} made remarks that clearly showed me that she wasn't able to see me the way I wanted to be seen. Instead, I was able to ask questions that helped me be with her in her pain, her fears, and (gasp) her wisdom. I'm so grateful for you and the potency of your work.”
-Jonathan K.
Relational Remodel is a 6-month 1:1 astro-counseling intensive that will guide you through the revelation, ownership and active values-aligned pursuit of pleasure in your relationships.
Whether you are deciding to stay or go, looking to spice it up, or on a mission to bring more love into your life, this intensive:
covers the discovery, identification and ownership of what you uniquely want, via 1:1 support sessions, pep talks, and translating the conversation between you and your natal chart.
closes the gap between expectation and reality with follow-up resources, timing tips, specialized “homework” and functional tools for severing ties with cultural scripts, learning to flirt, and creating relationships that can grow with you.
accounts for the inevitable questions and upheavals that come with breakthroughs, via unlimited 1:1 text support between sessions (I will reply within 24 hours during business hours M-F)
WHAT’S INCLUDED
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12 sessions total. We will meet two times on zoom every month and you will have access to unlimited text support between sessions. Some sessions we will spend the entire time looking at your chart together and other times we may set it aside altogether.
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After our first session, I will send you an invitation via Voxer. This is your channel to ask questions, share emotions and get support between sessions whether you’re practicing flirting, engaging a homework exercise, navigating conflict, or anything related to our work together. I do not limit how much you can use this resource and I also do not expect myself to reply to you within seconds or be the solution to your every problem. This channel exists for compassionate witnessing and poignant feedback between sessions, to help you develop both healthy self-reliance and interdependence, which sometimes means building a muscle that reaches for help. I commit to replying, generally within 24hrs on weekdays, when I am not otherwise preoccupied and can give your communications the attention they deserve.
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I will not leave you hanging with nothing to do after a session. You will receive a followup with a list of resources (podcasts, articles, meditations, somatic techniques, etc.) carefully selected for your further exploration and development. None of these are obligatory but the clients who utilize these resources inherently get the most out of our work together.
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If you are anticipating a big relational change, the beginning of a romantic adventure, a particular deadline, an intense conversation, etc. we will discuss the nature of the event and astrological times to strategically avoid or engage. This can be incredibly helpful for learning the arts of the well-timed pause, of letting things solve themselves and of taking even one small step in a particular direction when you feel stuck.
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The full 6-month intensive is 2,750€.
Should we decide a full year is right for your situation, the cost is 5250€.
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Payment plans are available upon request. I will never charge interest for needing a payment plan.
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I take up to 6 intensive clients at any given time. If you apply and I do not have space, you will be added to a waitlist and contacted when space opens up.
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Hit apply, fill out the form with your contact information and if you like, a short paragraph about what you’d like to work on together. Applications are reviewed on a weekly basis. I will then contact you to schedule a free 15-min intake to determine if we are a good fit to work together. If you are a returning client and I have space in my roster, you will have the option of bypassing the intake to schedule your first session.