DEFENSE IS PROTECTION

Mars defends our vulnerabilities.

Mars protects our grief.

Mars safeguards our self-respect.

And sometimes, when Mars doesn’t have enough time to think something all the way through, Mars will act in whatever which way to sabotage the upset, dis-spell discomfort, wreck the chance of resolution because it just. can’t. right. now.

And what Mars is trying to do in those moments is help us escape the ache. When this shows up in human relations, it’s a very natural response from our nervous systems to hurt. The message is “get out. enough. no more. bye.” The problem is that it very often makes it harder to really heal what’s underneath the superficial sting.

Without the time to anticipate all the possible sequences of action (for which there is never enough time if we’re being realistic), sometimes Mars’ defenses are overindulged and become aggressive.

We need to be able to calm down enough to re-approach what is painful without the aggressive/defensive diatribe.

As the Moon moved through Scorpio (a Mars-ruled sign) and conjoined the South Node (notorious for yesterday, I was thinking about “defensiveness”; moments where I react or have a big feeling and how sometimes it feels impossible to pause.

Sometimes defensiveness protrudes. Stands out. Makes itself known, like an owl audaciously spreading its wings; a convincing display of magnificence, power and heft when it feels threatened. This isn’t wrong, especially in moments when we need to be with ourselves. To be safe to examine a big emotion lying in wait.

But this urge to self protect can push people away who might be able to help us when we are ready. When the line between aggression and defensiveness is blurred, we unknowingly isolate ourselves.

Mars is currently moving through Gemini and readying itself to station retrograde at the end of October. Mars moves fast, and in Gemini is prepared to run in any direction. This means Mars will ride the line between aggression and defense. Will be poised to react quickly, regardless of consequences.

Luckily, throughout Mars’s retrograde, it will be trining Saturn in Aquarius. Saturn in this position helps to slow Mars down, levels Mars with limits and coaxes him into containment. In this alignment, Mars and Saturn can help bring defensiveness closer into ourselves. Can help us see that defense is less about what’s outside of us, and more about what’s being protected within.

Mars in Gemini can preserve time to process information.

We can say “I’m feeling reactive, I need some time to calm down with myself before I continue this conversation.”

Mars in Gemini can defend our desire to do something about it, without needing to take action.

We can say “I care about this thing and I want to repair it, but I know I need more resourcing before I can take the next step.” or “I know the first step to solving this is to talk about it. Can we walk while we discuss, so my body can register that something is being taken care of?”

Mars in Gemini can shield us from the harm of sharing too much.

Can cultivate the skill of being concise. Can expose only the “need to know” particulars. Can be short without being too sharp. Can refrain from over-explaining.

We can say “yes”, “no” and “not right now.”
We can say “I don’t know but I can try to find out.”
We can say “I need more time. I’ll get back to you.”
We can say “I need to contain my feelings first so I can think clearly.”

If there is anything Gemini is good at, it’s coming and going and coming back and leaving again. The promise of departure and return is always imminent. This is a skill we can practice and trust in. There will be time for hurting and time for holding. Time for talking and for tears. Time for confession and for containment. The medicine of Gemini is that neither the bad, nor the good will last terribly long. We can trust in the turning. Rely on reorientation. Have faith in our ability to think and feel something different so we don’t have to be afraid to think or feel whatever is arising right now.

Which brings me to grief. More often than not, when we get defensive, the thing that we think we are defending is usually superficial layer, a blanket for something deeper.

We might think we are defending possibility for something new when we’re actually protecting a feeling about something old.

Mars in Gemini invites us to turn the faucet on, just a little bit. To crack the surface. Massage the fascia enough to touch the deep tissue of the trauma. Break the mirror and peer into whatever has torn us to pieces.

This isn’t ripping out an organ and replacing it. It’s just a practice of taking a moment to see what’s underneath the skin. This isn’t uncorking a fire hydrant, but it is letting the water run just enough to unclog an atrophied pipe.

The other thing about this process is that we don’t need to deal with everything in the exact moment when it comes up. We don’t get one massage and unknot every muscle for the rest of forever. We go regularly to tend the tight places. We take time to stretch with ourselves. We ask for a holding, thoughts, a reflection every once in a while from someone else.

The way we stop our defensiveness from souring to futile aggression is by dealing with our vulnerabilities. Acknowledging our injuries. Grappling with our grief. Being available to our own heartbreak.

Sometimes we might think that being heartbroken makes us hopeless. But clearing the path for hurt to move means we don’t have to spend so much energy repressing, containing, and pretending to be “good” and “fine”. Pain doesn’t have to take up all the space. In fact, when we give it presence, it will likely speak up, then sit down, so we can focus on finding the salve that helps it pass through.