ON PLANETARY PRIVILEGE: THE BLESSING + CURSE OF CAPACITY
I’ve been talking to clients this last week and a half about the underlying current that seems to thread itself through eclipse season. This current has a tone of confident uncertainty. Inevitable reformation. Change that will, without a doubt, occur. In its irrefutability, the quality of the external permutation and the necessary consequence of our internal reorientation is palpably unknown.
The astrology, of course, can give us some insight to the kind of changes we might experience.
But as beings whose biological nature is to brace themselves in the face of obscurity, the winds of eclipse season tend to be enriched with anxious redolence.
We are not, thankfully, without hope. Mercury is currently retrograde, but in a flirty mutual reception with Venus in Gemini, who happens to also rule the North Node during this eclipse moment. Whether consolatory or centrally thematic, this configuration promises some sweetness on the other side of change.
Astrology is always relational in that it is a language tool which describes the nature of many intersecting relationships.
Within this current of general dis-ease, I’ve been speaking to a number of clients with extensive, and justified, relational concerns. With increasing frequency, clients are wanting to know what it is about them that is either ruining a relationship or holding it together. They want to pinpoint something that is objectively broken, with the intent to fix it. It’s important to note that no one person can hold the entire responsibility of a relationship’s survival.
Relationships are channels between two or more beings. each participant IN A RELATIONSHIP holds A PORTION OF THE responsibility for ITS WELFARE.
One thing that keeps emerging with clients this eclipse season is the blessing and curse of capacity; the specific struggle that accompanies “planetary privilege”. Planetary privilege is a configuration in a natal chart that reflects a particular skillset. Most of the time when we talk about planetary privilege, we’re speaking about planets that are well-supported to do their specific kind of planeting.
A planet in its own sign, or in harmonious aspect its ruler is often considered to have “dignity”. There are a ton of factors that delineate a spectrum of dignity available to each planet. Many of the clients I’ve been talking to have considerable planetary privilege. Interestingly, a theme I’m noticing is that these people are also extremely burnt out. They are pouring everything they have, and then some, into their relationships and when things are still a struggle, they are left wondering if the problem is with them. This is where weaving attachment with astrology has been an incredibly useful technology.*
Astrology and attachment theory are tools to talk about all of our intersecting relationships. In a consultation, I will almost always begin talking about a individual’s relationship concerns by orienting to the part of the chart which represents my client. For me, this starts with the planet which rules the Ascendant.
As we can see, having planetary privilege doesn’t mean that things aren’t difficult. Planetary privilege for the Ascendant ruler, for example, can mean being fairly skilled at meeting one’s own basic needs. This can foster diligent self-efficacy and reliability. Functionally, people whose Ascendant rulers are dignified can seem to have it all together and in many ways, they might.
But relationally, being well-resourced while trying to be a decent person often means bearing more relational weight.
Being in connection with or attracted to folks who do not have this particular skillset (or their own planetary privilege) means that the bulk of relational tending, pivoting the relationship to security, and other relational resourcing falls on the people with a more natural aptitude for having their personal sh%t together.
This makes sense in a relationship where both participants are efforting towards a culture of nurturance.
It is a beautiful thing when someone with more access or capacity seeks to be in relationship in a way that honors the varying capacities of participants by giving more because they have more.
It is beautiful when someone who has less is doing the work to settle in trust that they can receive more without taking advantage. This is part of creating relational balance. Unfortunately, it’s difficult to discern what healthy balance looks like in a relationship where two participants are inherently resourced in imbalanced ways.
Luckily, astrology can show us where we experience ourselves as well-resourced and where we might need a little extra support.
I work with a nested model of attachment. What I mean by that is our ability to establish relational security isn’t just rooted in our relationship to an initial primary caregiver. It’s also impacted cumulatively by our relationships over time, by our culture, by the conditions and needs of our local community and family, by our class, race, physical ability and any number of other stressors, in addition to the attachment predispositions in the current relationship of note.
Honing in on someone’s planetary privilege often illuminates a damaging pattern where a person has learned that getting their relational needs met by someone else is rarely accessible, often unhelpful and sometimes painful.
This often (but not always) establishes and feeds a pattern of ignoring relational needs, relying on the self, and over-giving in a relationship. Ultimately, a pattern like this leads to mistrust and insecurity in the attachment field, starting from a base of avoidance or anxiety at the thought of attempting to get one’s needs met by another individual. When we can see this in the chart, we can affirm the reality of what isn’t working. We can also affirm the reality of someone’s spaciously persevering skillset. And we can look further into the dynamic to pinpoint other places of resourcing in the chart, which might restrain or nurture the overworking parts, balance the labor and assist in fostering trust.
Regardless of our planetary privilege, we all have a basic set of human needs.
We all need some amount of contact nutrition and spacious solitude. We all relate on a spectrum and our needs will sometimes overlap and sometimes diverge from those around us. Having unique skillsets evidenced by your chart doesn’t mean you should do all the labor in your relationships. It is however, an invitation to examine what you can bring to relationships and what you can reframe so you don’t burn out.
Most of the people I work with want to be bearers of care, but tend to struggle in obtaining and receiving the care they need. The bulk of attachment work that I do with astrology is helping people learn to locate safety, nurture trust, and build self-confidence while staying in relationship. If you want to talk about your relationship challenges, your particular planetary privilege (or lack of it), your attachment states or anything else referenced in this piece, I recommend booking an attachment and astrology consult.
Wherever you are in relationship this eclipse season, I hope you can tend your currents of uncertainty by scanning for safety, resourcing in ways that regulate you, and emphasizing active communication that promotes nurturance and trust.
*I do not equate any planet or sign with any particular attachment style. The systems of astrology and attachment theory are wildly different and I believe that’s reductionist and has potentially harmful consequences.
resources for further exploration
Secure: The Subtle Art & Science of Attachment - available in the Numinous Network
Contact Nutrition 101: A distillation of the building blocks and how-to's of Secure Attachment also available in the Numinous Network.
This zine on queer attachment theory from Leah Jo and Fizz Perkal
Polysecure by Jessica Fern
Free Attachment Quiz from Diane Poole Heller’s Trauma Solutions
Reframing for Utility by astrologer Jo O’Neil